A big, mean sort of a blighter, is the German centre-forward. When he's not abusing referees, he's abusing opponents. And when's he's not doing that, or at least if you like rhyming slang, he's abusing himself.

And let's just take a moment to enjoy Carsten's comments prior to the in-no-way-hilariously-enjoyable 5-1 in Munich this season: "We don't have to worry about single players such as Michael Owen or Emile Heskey. We have a stronger team and that is what counts."

Just for the record: four goals between them against that 'stronger team'. Still, even if Carsten's no footy pundit, at least he still has his boyish good looks to fall back on...