Bacardi Breezer World Cup 2002

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Tom's Diary


WORLD CUP MINGERS

VOTE FOR THE TOURNAMENT'S UGLIEST FOOTBALLER
They've wowed us with their sheer unsightliness - but who has been the wolf among dogs at this World Cup? Playing in a fluid, not to say dribbling, 3-5-2 formation, we present a team of the eleven (plus coach!) roughest cuts from the tournament's top table. We want you to tell us who is the frighteningist footballer of all - so just click on their picture to enlarge and then cast your vote. Let battle commence! Just don't look at them after dark…
	Oliver Kahn (Germany) That nice Oliver makes up for what he lacks in physical attractiveness with charm and humour. Actually, he doesn't really. The hairy, heavy-browed German is as gruff as he is rough, although he has grown to see the funny side of that 5-1. This is also a lie Vote for me:
	Umit Ozat (Turkey) Poor old Umit. Turkey aren't really what you could call a good looking team, in the same way that elephants aren't really what you could call small animals, but Friend Umit is definitely the pick of the litter. Doesn't look like you'd have him on your quiz team Vote for me:
	Andrei Solomatin (Russia) In his spare time, Andy enjoys chasing parked cars and eating nettles. After the World Cup, he wants to travel the world (but not with the circus this time) and work with animals - preferably blind ones Vote for me:
	Aleksander Knavs (Slovenia) Aleks, a mean-looking sort of a feller, wears the cheerful expression of one undergoing permanent root-canal work. Looks like his idea of a day well spent would involve listening to the Fields of the Nephilim, pulling the wings off flies and cursing the black heart of the cruel God who taunts him with this continuing futile existence Vote for me:
	Alvaro Recoba (Uruguay) The sweetest part of Alvaro's body is without a doubt his wonderful left foot, although you have to say that the competition from the Recoba fizog isn't strong. The Uruguayan is blessed with one of those goofy duck mouths and wears the affronted expression of one who's just accidentally swallowed a Jamie Oliver-sized tongue Vote for me:
	Alex Aguinaga (Ecuador) For reasons known only to himself (and perhaps his alienist), Alex has decided that a David Seaman-esque ponytail is the haircut to balance out those jowly chops and rather cruel-looking eyes. It appears to be a terrible error of judgement Vote for me:
	Juan Pablo Sorin (Argentina) By no means the only Argentinian with a girl's haircut, Sorin takes things a step further by having the haircut of that girl at school who people would only kiss for a bet. A seriously hefty bet, in this instance. Horrible unkempt barnet is nicely set-off by Juan's all-round minging-ness, while the little Hitler-tash on the chin is just the icing on the cake Vote for me:
	Ronald Gomez (Costa Rica) Many experts' pre-tournament pick for the World Cup Golden Booted-In-Face, Ronald really is a powerhouse of an ugly. Looking like he's had a bit of an allergic reaction to something, or perhaps everything, Ron's face alone weighs upwards of 80 pounds. Proud representative of a strong squad of startlers Vote for me:
	Ales Ceh (Slovenia) His hair belongs to a different era, but sadly for television viewers around the world, the rest of him is alive and well and representing his country at this tournament. The second half of plucky little Slovenia's two-pronged assault on this coveted title, Ceh is said to be "immensely proud" of his nose Vote for me:
	Hassan Al Yami (Saudi Arabia) His team-mates may have been the first side to crash out of the tournament, but few would bet against the proud sons of the desert scooping the honours in this contest thanks to Has. Looks like the little secret the Rush family don't talk about. And keep in a cellar to feed with a sling Vote for me:
	Ronaldinho (Brazil) Outrageously gifted… but not in the looks department. Makes his near-namesake and fellow-forward Ronaldo look like a model, young Ronaldinho is just lucky that he has God-given talent in his boots. His name "Ronaldinho Gaucho" means "Little Swampdonkey" in Brazilian. Vote for me:
	Alexandre Guimaraes (Costa Rica) Coach An old head on old shoulders, Mr Guimaraes has been minging at the highest level since plastic surgery was just crazy science-fiction talk. A real veteran boiler, what Guimaraes doesn't know about ugliness in international football just isn't worth knowing Vote for me:

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